It’s no one’s fault, really. It’s just the way society is
wired. You are supposed to be married with kids before you are thirty, or
married and seriously considering kids at the very least.
Really, it’s almost taboo to be a 29-year-old who isn’t married or
on the path to marriage. On an almost daily basis, you get bombarded with
questions like, “You seeing anyone?” or “Don’t you want to get married?” and of
course “You want kids, right? You’re not getting any younger, you know.”
Perhaps the worst thing about those questions is that they
are loaded. People ask those questions expecting a certain answer and if you
don’t give that answer, there must be something wrong with you.
People always give me the strangest looks when I answer
these questions that are, quite frankly, none of their dang business.
No, I’m not seeing anyone. Yes, it's okay. Do I want to get married? Maybe. I’m not really worried
about it. (*shock* *gasp*) Kids? I don’t know. (*shock* *gasp* *kid-hater staredown*)
Here’s the problem I have with those questions…other than the
aforementioned “none of their dang business” part. The problem is that these
questions assume that getting married and having (or rather TO have) kids
should be the driving point and main goal of every person’s life. And that is
just not true. We all know that some people are not fit to be parents. And in
fact, we are very quick to point that out when we see it, yet at the same time
this society who so readily points out flaws in others’ parenting pressures
those who are not yet parents to become just that.
Maybe some people are not parents because they do not want
to be parents. Maybe some people are not parents because they are not ready to
be parents. And maybe...some people are not parents because they can't be parents.
That's not the case with me. You see, I am not a parent, because I have not found someone with
whom to raise a child. Pressure to be married and have children by a certain
age is what drives people to get married for the wrong reasons. If I were going
by my “biological clock” right now, I’d be starting a relationship with the
first available guy that came my way. Because yeah, that’s healthy. That’s a way to ensure that I
will have a lasting marriage and a good parenting partner, right?
Wrong.
I refuse to be cornered by my age. I refuse to be cornered
by society’s opinion on what I should do with MY life.
I’m not opposed to getting married. I’m not opposed to
having kids. I’m simply opposed to doing those things for the wrong reasons.
I want to get married once—to the right person for me. And
if I don’t find that person, I will remain single. Crazy idea, isn’t it? Even
crazier? I’ll be alright that way. Because it is far better to be single, than
to be trapped in a miserable relationship.
And kids? If I meet the right guy, and we get married….kids
could definitely be in the picture. He could already have kids, and that would be perfectly fine. If I don’t meet the right guy, kids could still be in the
picture. I could still adopt. If/when I am ready to do so.
To tell the truth, the most painful thing about being
single, is being told by society that I’m not supposed to be single, that I’m
wrong for not being married at my age.
But despite all that, I’m still doing alright. I’m doing alright living on my own, making decisions on my
own, and discovering who I am and what I want out of life. Something wrong with
that? Sue me.
Or just worry about yourself. That would work, too.
